What to Do With a Finicky Eater
Page Two
If you are a member of the “one bite of everything” school, that’s okay, but research shows that even if children are left entirely on their own, they will still get all of their required daily nutrients. I personally believe it is better to take the pressure and tension out of mealtime by offering a reasonable meal then leaving our children alone.
Fathers generally find it easier than mothers to let children learn by suffering natural consequences like going hungry. Dads say, “Let him starve” or “He’ll eat when he’s ready!” But mothers think, “Oh, no. My poor baby isn’t getting enough to eat.” They are afraid that by morning their child will look like a starving orphan! Mothers feel this way because in their minds food is a symbol of love. Mothers first show love to their children by feeding. If their children don’t eat, mothers feel that their love offerings are being rejected! She must be a poor mother. Consequently they do everything they can to coerce their young to eat even though the child isn’t hungry.
The hardest part of letting a finicky eater go hungry isn’t at mealtime. It’s a few hours later, when your child starts to get something out of the refrigerator and you have to remind him, “I’m sorry, Son. You know if you don’t finish supper you can’t eat anything until our next meal.” “But Mom,” he protests, “I’m starving.” Or worse yet, he cries out from his bed in a weak, pleading voice, “Moooommy, my tummy hurts. Can’t I please just have one glass of milk?”
 Remember, you are not forcing
anybody to go to bed hungry. He is
choosing to go to bed hungry.
That’s enough to send most mothers on a guilt trip to outer space. Thinking they are being cruel they rationalize, “Surely one glass of milk will be okay” or “Maybe just once won’t hurt.” But if you give in, you’ve had it. You are telling your son, “Just keep fussing and whining until Mother feels guilty. Then mom will give in and protect you from the consequences of your own choices.”
“But,” you ask, “Isn’t it cruel to force a child to go to bed hungry?” Not at all. Remember, you are not forcing anybody to go to bed hungry. He is choosing to go to bed hungry. Going to bed hungry is the price your son pays for choosing not to eat. It doesn’t take long for most children to decide that price is too high! If you stick to your guns, you will no longer need to remind, bribe, threaten or pressure your child to eat. He will do it on his own.
“But what about his health?” you ask. “We can’t just let him starve.” Oh, yes you can. Skipping a meal is not life-threatening. Besides, remember that you aren’t letting him suffer the natural consequences of his choices in order to deprive him of food. You are allowing the natural consequences to teach him to eat better in the long run. If you can tolerate a little guilt as he misses a few meals, you will be on your way to years of peace at mealtime! You will get out of a power struggle and avoid years of fruitless nagging and pressure and you will also be teaching him what to do when he grows up and has children of his own!
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