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Understanding Narcissism
by Paul M. Floyd, M.Div., J.D. and
Bruce Narramore, Ph.D.
J im is a 43-year-old regional sales manager. When people first meet him, they find him charming, pleasant, and endearing. But as they get to know Jim better, they see another side.
During planning meetings at church and work, Jim often dominates the conversation. He tells everyone his opinion, whether they want to hear it or not. And he doesn’t like being challenged or out voted. Jim is hypersensitive to criticism and acts like he is someone special whom others should admire and defer to. He also has a short fuse when things don’t go his way or when people keep him waiting. At restaurants, for example, Jim always expects to get the table he wants when he wants it. If he has to wait, he becomes curt and angry.
People who know Jim well eventually tire of his self-centeredness and “know-it-all” attitude. Since he is so focused on himself, Jim, has difficulty being sensitive to others and has few close friends. Even when he does helpful things, he seems to be motivated more from his desire to look good or be a leader than by a real concern for the people he is helping.
At home, Jim’s wife and children find him difficult. He expects them to see things his way and appreciate everything he does. Jim has a hard time relating to anyone in an intimate peer way for any sustained period of time. In short, Jim is a narcissistic personality.
Narcissism Defined
Historically, the term “narcissism” comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus. In one of the more common versions of this myth, Narcissus is a physically attractive young man, who, upon seeing his own reflection in a pond, is so taken with himself that he withers away while staring at his own reflection in the water.
 Everyone has at least a little narcissism. At
the relatively healthy end of the continuum
are people who believe in themselves and
their abilities, but don't demand special
privileges nor consider themselves
above the social rules or norms.
Everyone has at least a little narcissism. At the relatively healthy end of the continuum are people who believe in themselves and their abilities, but don’t demand special privileges nor consider themselves above the social rules or norms. They can visualize themselves as one of the best or most accomplished in their field or profession, and they may be competitive but they don’t envy or begrudge others of their success. They may occasionally be shrewd in dealing with others but they don’t exploit people or take unfair advantage of others to achieve their own ends. Most importantly, they possess a good awareness of their own thoughts, feelings, and needs, and they also respect others and have a genuine care and concern for them.
On the other end of the continuum, pathological narcissism is characterized by at least five of the following characteristics:1
- A need for constant attention and admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- Interpersonally exploitative (i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends)
- Lack of empathy (is unwilling or unable to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others)
- Envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- An arrogant and haughty behavior or attitude
- A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- A belief that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people
Craig, for example, was going through an emotionally conflicted divorce. He ran through lawyer after lawyer trying to get the joint custody arrangement of the children exactly like he wanted it. He raged at his ex-wife when she stood up for any alternative. He showed absolutely no concern for her and very little for the children except for the control he could gain by having joint custody. Once he got it, he repeatedly left the children with babysitters while he did his own thing. His goal was to win, not the welfare of his children.
Craig was fired from two jobs in spite of the fact that he was highly productive. He was let go because he tried to tell his supervisors how to run the companies. But as far as Craig was concerned, it was his supervisor’s problem. They lost a great employee. He didn’t consider for a moment that he might be the problem.
 Continued on Page Two
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