How to Relate Better to People
Page Four
As you think about how you are coming across to other people, ask yourself, "Am I positive? What do people think when they see me coming?" You can do something about your attitudes by being aware of them, and then making a definite effort each day to look at the positive side of life.
Clueing Them In
Another secret of getting along with people is to let them in on things. People like to be included in plans that affect them. Sometimes a person appears to have a negative or uncooperative attitude when actually he just doesn't know what's going on. We tend to reject the things we don't understand. We're usually down on what we're not up on.
For a number of years I served as a psychologist with the Los Angeles County Superintendent of Schools. My job was to travel to various school districts to help administrators, teachers, and students. I noticed that the better teachers would, toward the end of the week, outline to the boys and girls what they would be covering the next week. The children were in on the plans; and when "next week" arrived, they felt the ideas were theirs! By including them in the plans, the teacher got their cooperation.
If you want to relate well to people, remember that they appreciate being brought in on what you have in mind when it concerns them. This is true even though the person's part in developing the plans may be minor.
Enough, But Not Too Much
There's a fine line between mothering and smothering. We see this in the child whose mother does everything for him, like tying his shoelaces when he is old enough to tie them himself. No wonder kindergarten teachers sometimes complain about their workload!
If you are an energetic person who is outgoing, organized, and talented, you may have a tendency to "take over." You may "help" people too much.
We should be on the lookout for ways to help people. However, they often need our "sweat" or our assistance rather than our "taking over" and doing it ourselves. People want your help but they don't want too much of it. They feel better about themselves when they are doing and creating. They will like you for helping them without taking away their dignity. Isn't this worth thinking about if you really want to get along with people?
It Pays To Be Honest
On the surface, it may appear we don't need to emphasize the value of honesty to a Christian. But there are subtle aspects of honesty that make all the difference between clicking and not clicking with people.
Tom, for instance, has an annoying habit that is costing him friends. It's nothing sinful, but people tire of him after awhile because of it. He says he just "tells it like it is." Perhaps so. But he doesn't choose the best times to do it. You can be honest, yet unwise.
People seem to sense whether you're being honest. And they appreciate your forthrightness. When I was a child I heard my uncle whom I admired so much, give an illustration when he was speaking to a group of children.
"Always be honest in your dealings with people," he said. Then he demonstrated with two empty drinking glasses. He took a little mallet and struck one glass on its side. It made a dull, clunking sound because the glass had a crack in it. Then he took the other glass and tapped it. What a nice, clear ring it gave. "The problem with the first glass," he said, "is that it has a crack in its character. But the other has a beautiful, honest ring. Always try to be like the clear ringing glass!"
 People want your help but they
don't want too much of it. They
feel better about themselves when
they are doing and creating.
In summary, getting along with people boils down pretty much to these areas we have discussed.
If you are not relating well to other people, as well as you would like you can change. It has to start in your head and your heart!
One of the best places to begin is usually with our thoughts and feelings about yourself. It is difficult to like and be liked by others if you dislike yourself.
Try to understand how the other person feels, taking into consideration the physical, spiritual, and emotional causes of his behavior.
Perhaps you can begin to compliment and encourage people more.
A good listener is always in demand. Should you be lending your ears and encouraging people to talk more?
What can you do each day to become a more optimistic person?
People appreciate you more if you let them in on plans that affect them.
Have you been smothering people rather than assisting them? They do want your help, but they don't want too much because it robs them of their own contribution.
Since accepting people as they are is such a major factor in getting along with them, you may want to accept people more for what they are rather than for what they're not, or what you'd like them to be.
Keep an eye on your H.Q. (Honesty Quotient.) It pays.
Remember, the right key will always unlock the door. This is true in getting along with people. And most of us can use better keys for relating well to them.
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Dr. Clyde M. Narramore is the Founder of the Narramore Christian Foundation, was President for half-a-century, and is a well-known radio and conference speaker, and author.
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