How to Relate Better to People
Page Two
Answering these questions thoughtfully will give you some insight about your own adjustment. If you have to answer several of them in a negative manner, you can take steps to improve. The practice of taking these needs to the Lord each day in prayer with an openness to grow will bring about terrific changes. You do have a tremendous resource in Christ if you are a true believer. The Bible says, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" (Philippians 4:13 ). It's amazing how good God can make people when they are willing to be honest with Him. And He usually uses others to help us grow.
If your answers to these questions suggest you have a poor self-image, talk this out with a listening friend. Understanding how you developed negative attitudes toward yourself can help immeasurably.
If negative attitudes toward yourself are deeply ingrained, they may demand the help of a professional counselor. If so, you're wise to get that kind of help. Many smart people do!
At any rate, your ability to click with others depends upon how you click with yourself! If you're too nervous, insecure, rigid, hostile, domineering, manipulative, or withdrawn, you are probably going to have a tough time getting along well with others.
I know a man who complains that "nobody at church is friendly." But as you take a close look at him, you'll discover that he is definitely a major part of his problem. And, as the Bible tells us, "A man that has friends must show himself friendly" (Proverbs 18:24).
Understanding People Around You
If you are to relate well to others, you not only need to understand and accept yourself; you also need to understand other people. One of the biggest hindrances to such understanding is assuming that the other person has the same insights and feelings you do. That's natural, but it may not be true for several reasons.
Three-Dimensional Persons
One person may have a somewhat different physical functioning than another. Take the person who is plagued with a variety of allergies. In severe cases the person's chief preoccupation may be with what he can and cannot eat; what he can and cannot do; the things he has to stay away from. The healthy person may have little appreciation for the other fellow's absorption with his problems. He has never walked in his shoes. And this is just one of hundreds of physical problems that cause people to react as they do.
You cannot possibly understand people unless you make allowance for the impact of physiological differences and disorders on their behavior.
Filling the Spiritual Vacuum
But medical and physical differences are not the only differences in people. Among other things, people are spiritual beings. God has given them a spiritual nature that longs for fulfillment.
 Human beings have several basic
emotional needs, including the feeling
that one belongs, that he is loved,
and that he is a worthwhile person.
Some people have a lot going for them spiritually. They have a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ; they are indwelt by the Holy Spirit, they read and study the Bible and they have a good measure of His guidance in their lives. They know why they are here on earth, and they are looking forward to their home in Heaven. They gain encouragement, perspectives, correction and guidance from their relationship with God and their knowledge of His Word. Life is a pretty clear path for them because they know what direction they're going.
But many people have virtually nothing spiritually going for them. They do not know Jesus Christ as Savior. They are not indwelt by the Holy Spirit. They have almost no spiritual guidance, and the meaning and significance of life is quite a mystery to them. They're stumbling along the best they know-but without God's guidance!
Don't Forget Emotions
There is a third dimension we need to consider. Man is a complex being. As the Psalmist wrote (139:14), we are "fearfully and wonderfully made."
Beside the physical and the spiritual, there is still another very large area which seriously affects your and my thinking and actions. This is the emotional. Human beings have several basic emotional needs, including the feeling that one belongs, that he is loved, and that he is a worthwhile person. Usually it is the mother and father who help to meet these needs; and whether or not these emotional needs were met affects a person's lifelong feelings about himself.
Not long ago, a young man wrote me a letter saying, "I grew up thinking that belligerency was strength, and love was weakness. This tells you something about the home I grew up in. There was no love there. My father didn't know how to talk or deal kindly with his family, although he could talk with outsiders. He always criticized, condemned, hollered at me, and gave me frequent beatings. Both my mother and father talked behind my back about my many faults and failures. I was literally destroyed inside, with fear and hate as the only emotions I knew. Self-confidence was absolutely non-existent. A useless, good-for-nothing self-image was formed inside of me."
This man went on to describe the pain and conflict these early experiences brought to his life for years.
We all sift our experiences and interpret them in the light of what we learned to think of ourselves and how we learned to feel as children. So whether it is a neighbor, someone in your church or school, or a relative, it is well to remember that down deep, other people may have very painful feelings that are causing them to act in ways that we don't understand.
On the other side of the ledger, there are those who are unusually well-adjusted, and it may be hard for them to understand why anyone would have any other than positive feelings. So, if you want to get along with people and understand them, you must realize they may have inner dynamics that are causing them to act and feel in certain ways.
 Continued on Page Three
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