Anxiety: The Nagging Emotion
Page Two
Naturally, Billy felt like crawling into a hole. His father wasn't any better, and Billy had no one to talk to about his troubles. Consequently, he stuffed his feelings deep inside. The result? He grew up feeling he couldn't do anything right. He became highly anxious, because deep down, he believed he could never please others or live up to their expectations. No matter what he was about to do, he inwardly assumed that he would mess it up. Billy also developed strong feelings of anger and resentment because of the verbal abuse he suffered as a child. Now part of his anxiety is due to his fear of losing his temper and lashing out in anger.
Mary's life fell apart when her parents got a divorce when she was seven. She felt lonely, abandoned, confused, and fearful of what the future would bring without both her mother and daddy. Her parents continued fighting after their divorce until her father moved to another state. But who was listening to Mary? People often forget that when the parents get a divorce, the children do also, and they are much less able to handle it. They can't figure it out, and they probably love both parents. Mary's deepest fears now center around abandonment. She is always afraid she will be rejected, unloved, or left out. Like Billy, Mary kept her fears and uncertainties to herself. As a child she couldn't know they would nag her for years to come.
Donna had a hard time obeying her parents. She's so stubborn, they thought. Rather that seeking professional help, they determined to "teach her a lesson." They frequently pushed her into a dark closet and locked the door. The child almost died of fright, and although she didn't talk about the dreadful experience, neither was she able to forget it. Today as an adult, she's unduly nervous, anxious, and depressed. She always expects something terrible to happen to her and is fearful of abuse, rejection, and mistreatment.
One of the most serious of all childhood traumas is losing a family member by death. This happened to Laura. Her sister, who was just two years older, died suddenly. The friends and relatives were so busy consoling the grieving parents that little attention was paid to Laura. No one explained death to her. Not being Christian, her parents were at a loss as to what to say. She was left with the overwhelming thought that her sister whom she loved dearly, was now buried in a dark hole in the ground. The traumatic experience stamped itself indelibly on her young mind. This and other negative experiences produced a lingering concern that something similarly dreadful would go wrong in her life. Little wonder that now, as an adult, she is insecure and nervous.
In the case of each child mentioned above, severe feelings of anxiety persisted through their adult years. Even though the original experiences and thoughts were not always on their conscious minds, the anxiety continued just the same because the painful memories lay just below the surface.
 Some well-meaning Christians
quote [Bible] verses .... They then
expect their friend's anxiety
to miraculously disappear.
Is Everything Spiritual?
Sometimes Christians forget that not all problems are spiritual. If a person suffers from anxiety his friends at church may immediately think the roots of the problem are strictly spiritual. Some well-meaning Christians quote verses like, "Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee" (Isaiah 26:3) or "Be anxious for nothing..." (Philippians 4:6). They then expect their friend's anxiety to miraculously disappear.
These, of course, are examples of splendid Bible verses, and they are potentially helpful to any Christian. They can bring great comfort by reminding us that God is ultimately in charge of this world, and that we can find security in our relationship with Him. But simply knowing these verses will rarely alleviate serious problems of anxiety. Why? Because we are not only spiritual beings. We have bodies, minds, feelings, and personalities which are shaped during our developmental years. God puts babies in families with parents who help to shape their emotional and relational lives. When those relationships are poor, it takes time, understanding, and more healthy relationships to help them change. Some well-meaning Christians do not have an understanding of this fact. With genuine concern for the victim of anxiety, they may prescribe a cure that is doomed to fail.
Take Mrs. S. who lived in a constant state of nervousness and apprehension. Her Christian friends began to tell her what she should do to overcome this condition. One suggested, "Maybe if you spent more time writing to missionaries or helping at a Rescue Mission, you would feel better. So she tried to busy herself with a variety of good activities. She liked helping others, but it did little to solve her problem. The nervousness continued.
"You need to pull yourself together," counseled another well-meaning friend. But as Mrs. S. shared with me, "I don't know what or how to pull!"
Mr. J's friendly counselors advised him to "just read the Bible." They figured this in itself would take care of his nagging worry. But Mr. J. had already been reading the Bible and spending time praying each day. He usually got a little relief, but it didn't begin to eliminate his suffering. His problem—and those of victims of deep, debilitating nervousness and anxiety— warranted professional help. We can be grateful that when life is such that many of us struggle with anxiety, depression, and serious relational problems, God has raised up well-trained Christian counselors to help. Skilled and experienced, these men and women can sit with us in our worry and help uncover the causes of emotional trauma. They can help the Bible become even more alive as they help sweep away the barriers to feeling comfortable with ourselves, God, and the people around us.
 Continued on Page Three
|
