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Danger Signals in Your Child's Behavior
by Dr. Clyde M. Narramore
I recall standing in front of a large church watching scores of children excitedly heading toward their Sunday School classes. The thought came to me: I wonder what they will be like 10, 15, 20 years from now. Some of them will be happy, well-adjusted, and living productive lives. Others will be school dropouts, in trouble with the law, divorced, or in highly conflicted family and work relationships.
While we can't predict which child will have a specific problem in later life, we can spot danger signals long before a child's problems develop into full-blown adult maladjustments. Once we identify children at risk for problems at an early age, we can take action to prevent problems from becoming more severe, and so eliminate a lot of potential suffering for many people.
For example, I recently worked with a young woman who was having serious problems in her marriage. It was affecting her husband, their children, her in-laws, and her parents. And it was needless! An alert parent or teacher could have spotted danger signs in this girl when she was a young child—or at least when she was a teenager. They could have lent a helping hand or referred her for professional counseling at that time. We don't have to wait until a person has severe problems. We can spot them long before!
Here are 15 specific behaviors, if persistent, that should raise the concerns of parents, teachers, and Christian workers:
1. Gaining satisfaction from destroying property. Most children occasionally break their toys, throw their playthings around, or fail to pick them up and put them away. Some children play rough and break things, but a few go beyond these normal childish actions. They are angry and frustrated much of the time and appear to enjoy destroying property or inflicting damage and being physically hurtful. They may punch a cat or dog, or kick the animal, or harshly shove him out of the way or throw things at him. They may repeatedly and purposely break their toys.
When a child shows this kind of repeated negative behavior, he is telling you he is angry and frustrated. So he strikes out and hurts other people or breaks things to gain revenge. For some reason he is very unhappy inside. Destructive behavior is his cry for help.
2. Continually demanding attention. All human beings need love and attention, and we all do things in an attempt to get it. Some of us dress especially sharp or hone our sense of humor, or become top students, or behave in some ways that induce others to notice us. But most of us aren't obsessed with getting attention and we are also interested in other people and the things around us. Some children, however, go far beyond the normal search for recognition, acceptance, and attention. They repeatedly act in ways that are calculated to gain extra attention. They misbehave and clown in class. They act "smart" on the playground. They brag and exaggerate to impress everyone with their achievements. Or they wear bizarre clothing designed to purposely evoke reactions from those who see them.
 If your child is constantly demanding
attention or behaving in an irritable or
annoying fashion, he is probably saying
he does not feel good about himself.
If your child is constantly demanding attention or behaving in an irritable or annoying fashion, he is probably saying he does not feel good about himself. He doesn't feel sufficiently loved or appreciated and doesn't think he is accepted as he is. So he demands attention to try to get you or others to step in and meet some of his emotional needs for love, significance, and connection.
3. Unusually serious and unhappy. When we think of childhood, we think of children playing and running around, chattering and giggling. They have no rent to pay, little responsibility, and no world conditions to worry about. When parents are relatively happy and well-adjusted, childhood is often a happy, relatively carefree time. All children, of course, will have occasional disappointments, some "friend problems" at school or play, and a few sad times.
A few children, however, are always serious. They never smile and they seem unhappy much of the time. A youngster who regularly seems this solemn and is generally unhappy, may be developing some serious feelings of depression that can wreck havoc in his life.
4. Recurring mood swings. People are not machines. They are dynamic, living organisms that react differently under various circumstances. Such things as weather, people, food, color, temperature, music, and the like impact us, causing us to feel elated, disappointed, or enervated. At certain ages we are even more likely to have significant changes in our moods. Two-year-olds are known for periods of stubbornness. And teenagers are known for their emotional ups and downs.
Repeated mood swings like this
can indicate a potentially serious
medical or psychological problem
which deserves attention.
But some children have mood changes that are much beyond the normal range. For several days at a time they become euphoric, irritable, incessantly talkative, agitated, or exceedingly active. Then they are "down," losing their appetite, being fatigued, feeling sad or hopeless, sleeping for hours on end, and showing signs of very poor self-esteem.
Repeated mood swings like this can indicate a potentially serious medical or psychological problem which deserves attention. If you notice persistent mood swings in your child, you might seriously consider taking him for professional diagnosis and treatment.
5. Social isolation. Classroom teachers know there are usually several children in every classroom who are popular. They have the natural skills or personality styles that make relating to other boys and girls easy and they fit readily into almost any social situation. Other children don't relate as well and are seldom chosen by their peers. Most of these children are a little shy. Some have other traits or characteristics that account for their less-than-desirable social interactions, but they still have a friend or two and will do fine as time goes by.
But a few children never seem to fit in. They don't relate well to any of their peers and they may even be ridiculed or overtly rejected. These children can begin to feel that the world is against them. They will need special help to feel better about themselves and learn to develop meaningful friendships.
 Continued on Page Two
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