A Pre-Marriage Checklist
Page Four
This sounded good to him, but it really didn't make sense, because our extended family does "bother us," or help us, or encourage us in our efforts to build our own growing family! Even if your relatives live a thousand miles away, they will influence your marriage. Their physical absence may keep you out of open conflict, but if nothing else, it may deprive your children of their grandparents. And even if you seldom speak, the pattern of relating which your prospective spouse learned in his or her own family system will influence the way she reacts in yours. And what about the holidays? Will your mate want to spend Christmas with her relatives? Will you alternate holidays between families? Will you follow your spouse's traditions for celebrating birthday and holidays, or yours? Or will you establish new ones?
Before marriage, be sure you get a reading on how you understand each other's families. Some prospective brides and grooms have faced neither the realities of family involvement before marriage nor the impact their childhood family experiences will have on their own marriage. How much better to consider these matters before wedding bells ring, rather than later when conflicts have arisen.
7. Friends
Another area to check out is your compatibility with friends.
You've heard the saying, "You can tell a lot about a person by the company he keeps." How true! What our friends enjoy, we tend to enjoy. What interests our friends tend to be what interests us. What our friends don't care for is most likely what we don't care for. And our friends' level of spiritual interest and commitment is probably similar to our own. Otherwise, why would we be spending time with them? Don't expect you or your potential mate's friends to change radically after you've said your vows.
And how about your level of social interests? What if you are outgoing and enjoy many friends, and your potential spouse is more of a loner? If you marry, will you both be able to adapt and compromise, or will this become a source of continual frustration?
Does your potential mate's lack of interest in spending time with friends reflect a dislike of people? Is it just his (or her) reserved nature? Does it reflect basic insecurity? Is it a sign of preoccupation with oneself? And for your part, does your gregarious style reflect an inability to be alone and enjoy solitude? Will you try to change your partner or accuse him of being antisocial if he isn't as outgoing as you?
 Before marriage be sure you
get a reading on how you
understand each other's families.
The answers to these questions should give you clues as to what life might be like if you were married to each other 24 hours a day!
8. Spiritual Interests
The first verse in the Bible says, "In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth."3 Then it goes on to say that God created human beings—Adam and Eve—and the family. Marriage was God's idea. He knew that it could be a wonderful place for companionship, love, nurture, teamwork, and growth! But families can also bring great sorrow, and potentials can turn into problems if we don't build our family relationships around our Creator's design.
Since God has created us, who knows better than He how we can function best? It is a wonderful experience to share marriage with a partner who also wants to build his or her marriage with God at the center. This spiritual dimension of life is so important that the Bible says we should never marry someone who does not share this spiritual commitment. "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?"4 Unless the two are headed in the same direction spiritually, chances are they will be going in opposite directions in many other areas of life.
The Bible also says, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not to your own understanding—in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."5 When two people are committed to Christ, they will both be looking for His direction. And since they will both be seeking God's leading, they will have the potential for much greater unity and depth of sharing.
Our spiritual interests and commitments impact our horizontal relationships as well as our relationship with God. Our spirituality shapes our entire worldview. It influences the way we choose to invest our time. It impacts our resilience in times of crises, the friends we choose, our work, and our leisure time. It is a blessing to marry a person who is a committed Christian, then grow together spiritually through the years. The enrichment He will bring into your marriage can never be fathomed. And the guidance, comfort, and support God gives you through the years, including the difficult experiences of life is beyond comprehension.
Our spirituality shapes our entire
worldview. It impacts our resilience in
times of crises, the friends we choose,
our work and our leisure time.
Consequently, it is of utmost importance if you are thinking of hearing wedding bells ring, to be devoted to Christ yourself; then make sure your intended mate is also dedicated to the Lord.
Looking Ahead
No one can be a perfect mate and no one can choose a perfect mate. God created marriage to help us mature and grow and He knows every couple will have their share of struggles. But it is tremendously important that we are aware of as many of our areas of compatibility and incompatibility before marriage. And when the potential problems are clearly too great to enable a couple to build a fulfilling, enjoyable, long life together, we need to wait until God leads us to a compatible mate.
1. Proverbs 27:12.
2. Titus 2.
3. Genesis 1:1.
4. 2 Corinthians 6:14.
5. Proverbs 3:5, 6.
 Back to Page One
Dr. Clyde Narramore is the Founder of the Narramore Christian Foundation, was President for half-a-century, well-known radio and conference speaker, and author.
NOTE: To email this article to a friend, return to page one and click on the "E-mail a Friend" button link at the top right of the page.
|
