Developing Confidence
Page Three
Spiritual Influence
Another factor which deeply affects a child's developing understanding of himself and his capabilities is the spiritual. A child, like an adult, is a spiritual being. He, as the Bible teaches, is made in the likeness of God. He has a capacity for God; he can know God personally. It is possible for him to see life through spiritual eyes. These truths have the potential to deeply affect his feelings about the universe, about the society in which he lives, world conditions, and most of all, about himself. If, at an early age, a child comes to realize that he is created and gifted and loved by God, his entire life will be impacted.
 A child, like an adult, is a spiritual
being. If, at an early age, a child
comes
to realize that he is created
and gifted and
loved by God,
his entire life will be impacted.
Without this God-centered outlook, a child is at a disadvantage spiritually. He cannot explain the presence of evil in the world. He doesn't understand how the human race got on this planet. He doesn't realize that he is endowed by his Creator. And he doesn't have a solid reason for respecting all human life as being made by God.
In short, he is a spiritual being living in a world designed by God, and he doesn't know it! He struggles to make heads and tails out of life and his place in it. This can bring confusion and leave too many unanswered questions, and can work against an adequate self-image and a sense of how one fits into this realm called life!
By contrast, children who grow up knowing they are created, and loved, and endowed by God with talents and abilities, have a fabulous resource that can strengthen their personalities and their feelings about themselves. Their relationship with God and their knowledge of what the Bible says about them helps provide an accurate estimate of their capacity to live as they were created to live. For example, the Bible says, "You created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."2
Some children, even though they grow up in Christian homes, still develop very distorted understandings of themselves and their relationships with God.
Since our thoughts and feelings and experiences involving God are impacted by our relationships with God's earthly representatives-especially our parents, as well as religious leaders, intellectual knowledge about God is not enough. Sometimes the relationship between a child and his parents is so troubled or negative that the child knows his parents don't practice what they preach. It is one thing to hear that God created you and wants you to be a competent person. It's quite another to experience that love from His earthly representatives. When a child is constantly criticized and beaten down at home by Christian parents, he is more likely to believe his parents' criticisms than the pastor's teachings about God-given talents!
Children who grow up knowing
they
are created and
loved and en-
dowed by
God with talents and abilities
have a
fabulous resource that can
strengthen
their
personalities and
their feelings
about themselves.
For example, Mark's parents told him about God, and took him to a good church where he learned much about the Bible. But at home his Christian parents were extremely demanding. Mark could never quite live up to their expectations. At seventeen, he saw a counselor for depression and his use of drugs. When Mark spoke about his relationship with God, he said, "I believe in Him, but I don't think I could ever please Him." Then he described his relationship with his dad in greater detail.
Mark told his psychologist, "My dad made plenty of money but we were never close. He was married to his work and too busy to spend time with me. And when he did, he was always telling me I should be doing better."
Mark's relationship with his dad had been like cold, mashed potatoes-few expressions of love, no compliments, and no encouragement. Since the human heart cries out to be affirmed and to be recognized for one's abilities and achievements, Mark felt a terrific void. He felt he could never live up to his father's expectations, or to God's. Even though he knew in his head that God accepted him through Christ, he was unable to experience that acceptance or God's pleasure in him.
The world has far too many "Marks." Their experiences have not been just like his, but the results have been much the same. Although they have been raised in religious homes, relationships with their parents have undercut the Biblical message that every child is special and given talents by God. This produces adults who are unsure of their identities, lacking self-assurance and confidence, and often resentful of their parents and of God.
The Healing Process
You may be saying, Yes, I do lack self-confidence. I don't have the self-assurance I would like. But what now? How can I overcome these feelings and turn them around?
Even though he knew in his head that God accepted him through Christ, he couldn't experience that acceptance or God's pleasure in him.
Your first step is to recognize the problem. Because it is so painful to not like ourselves, most of us try to hide our true feelings. We push our lack of confidence temporarily out of sight by becoming driven workaholics, or over-conscientious students, or domineering personalities. We use our successes or abilities to take charge in order to try to quiet our inner doubts and fears. Or we blame others. Or we just stop trying. The first step is acknowledging these defensive avoidances and facing our deep, rock bottom feelings about ourselves.
The second step in overcoming a lack of confidence is to look for the causes. Since problems are always caused, we need to ask ourselves, Where did my lack of confidence come from? What happened throughout my childhood to cause me to lack confidence? What were the dynamics going on in my life (especially at home) that have caused me to react the way I do today
 Continued on Page Four
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