Why Teenagers Turn to Violence
Page Four
Now let's tie this entire picture together. Teenagers who kill are universally unhappy. They feel alienated from others, odd, different, or left out. Emotionally, they feel unloved and they have not developed the capacity to form healthy emotional relationships, usually even within their families. Consequently, they do not care for other people. They are either spiritually disinterested, rebellious, or confused and are extremely resentful and angry. Their anger comes from feeling hurt, wounded, rejected, or abandoned. These teenagers have lost or failed to develop a regard and respect for other people, and they tend to live in their own world, either with a few other fringe friends, or in their fantasies, secret thoughts and plans.
Although they occasionally turn to violence without any warning, there were nearly always serious danger signs and symptoms. Those include increasingly bizarre thoughts and feelings, serious drops in grades, preoccupation with thoughts of violence, desires for revenge, feelings of persecution, grandiose thoughts, and identification with fringe groups, guns, and violent historical figures. Given this mixture of painful feelings and confused thoughts, all it takes to trigger an explosion is one serious trauma or rejection, one final bit of ridicule, one song glorifying violence, one horrible movie example, or one "friend" to egg them on to action.
Preventing Teenage Violence
In light of the deep mental, emotional, and spiritual confusion of adolescents who turn to murder, what can concerned parents, teachers and other citizens do?
First, be alert to danger signals. Most typically, children who turn to violence have shown signs of maladjustment for many years. Without frightening parents, since we are talking about very extreme situations, we do need to be sensitive to our children's needs and to respond whenever we see signs of significant distress. Here are some other danger signs for violence:
- Frequent loss of temper (several times a week)
- Vandalism
- Repeated physical fighting
- Trouble controlling anger
- Angry bravado and threats to hurt others
- Plans on how to hurt others-even if they seem unrealistic
- Withdrawal from friends, family, and normal activities
- Resentful feelings of being the underdog or being disrespected
- Feelings of being mistreated or persecuted
- Increasing use of drugs and alcohol
- Strong interest in or fascination with guns
- Interest in violent magazines, movies, videos and organizations
- Increased risk taking behavior
- Association with violent or threatening groups
- Suspicious, hateful attitude toward all authority
- Carrying a weapon
If you have a child who shows any of these symptoms, don't hesitate to seek professional psychological counseling. While most will never turn to physical violence, if you see any of these symptoms, realize that they are your child's way of crying out for help and telling you that he feels badly on the inside. Don't ignore his cry for help.
 Children who feel loved and
who
have come
to love God and
know Him through Jesus
Christ
will not turn to juvenile crime.
Sometimes these problems will be naturally outgrown, but more often they become even more deeply ingrained with time. Professional therapists can help identify the problems and tune in to your child's hurts and needs.
Second, and still within your own family, commit yourself to build the most enjoyable, loving, and spiritually sensitive home possible. Children who feel loved and who enjoy spending time with their parents and siblings and who have come to love God and know Him through Jesus Christ will not turn to juvenile crime. Violence almost always, among other things, reflects some rupture, lack, conflict, pain or struggle within the home. Thus it is important that parents stay involved and remain emotionally connected with their children on a daily basis.
Third, help your children develop a healthy emotional life and good communication skills. Teenagers who murder have not learned to control their emotions. They have either repressed their hurts and angry feelings for years until they burst out unexpectedly, or they have been expressing them in hurtful, but less completely destructive ways. Children need us to be sensitive to both their positive and negative feelings as they grow. They need us to model healthy ways of expressing emotions. They need us to hear their hurts, pains, fears, and resentments. And then they need us to help them find acceptable ways of managing their strong emotions. This includes learning how to solve conflicts and misunderstandings without turning to violence.
Fourth, know your children, their friends, and their activities. It is far too easy, in this day of two wage earners, for parents to be unaware of the company their children are keeping, the material they are finding on their computers, the magazines they read, and the music they hear. The entertainment field is a billion dollar industry. This powerful, secular, and often violent influence can dominate nearly every aspect of a teenager's life. Parents need to recognize this destructive source and minimize it in their teen's life. Equally, important, we need to involve every child and teenager in wholesome entertainment and activities.
Sometimes teenagers have even built bombs and drawn up plans for violence right under their parents' noses in their family homes. Concerned parents need to take extra effort to know their children well and to keep track of their activities and their friends.
Fifth, do your part in your local community. While violent tragedies can never be totally abolished, the more we can reach out to needy and hurting children, the less likely these tragedies are to occur. Joining a big brother or big sister organization and offering your time and love and talents to a fatherless or motherless child can be a richly rewarding experience. Taking time with a neighborhood child, or a child or youth from church, or a friend of your son or daughter, tells them that someone cares. And never forget that at the root, children and teenagers who murder believe that no one really cares for them.
Sixth, encourage your local schools and churches to take preventive action. (Similar tragic killings have taken place in churches.) Church leaders and school teachers, counselors, administrators and students, all need to be alert to teenagers that display the warning signs listed above.
It is better to report a
concern
to a school
or church
leader
than to ignore it.
Too often, threats and accusations or fascinations with violence are ignored or dismissed because we think they are "just talk." We need to take these signals seriously. It is better to report a concern to a school or church leader than to ignore it. Many lives can be saved if fellow students and responsible adults will act on their concerns rather than assuming that nothing serious will happen.
It is also now likely that many schools will consider adding security officers and installing security devices like those at airports and some government buildings. It would be terrible to have to turn our schools into fortresses, and even that cannot realistically prevent all school violence. But some type of warning system certainly should be considered. The fact is, we are no longer living in a time when the greatest danger from the school bully is being beaten up or threatened. Today, even children can gain access to guns and explosives and to the means for building bombs and going on a killing spree.
Seventh, financially support organizations that are helping needy children, teens, and hurting families. There are many fine organizations, including many Christian ones, that are reaching out across America daily. They could all do much more if they had additional financial resources. If you simply do not have the time or the training to become personally involved with needy youth, you can at least help with your financial resources.
Finally, pray. America is standing at a crossroads. Millions of citizens are living in economic poverty, and more are suffering from emotional and spiritual poverty. Only God's intervention can touch the lives of enough people to turn the tide that is lashing our nation through the deterioration of the family, our move from Biblical values, and our tendency to live out our Christianity in isolation from the needy world around us!
Copyright © 2001 by Narramore Christian Foundation
Bruce Narramore, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist, a professor at the Rosemead School of Psychology, Biola University, and President of the Narramore Christian Foundation. Dr. Narramore is an author of nine books including Help I'm a Parent and co-author of The Integration of Psychology and Theology: An Introduction. These books can be purchased online at: www.ncfliving.com/store
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